PEER PRESSURE AND THE INNER RING
‘The Inner Ring’ was the title of the memorial lecture at King’s College, University of London, given in 1944 by C.S. Lewis, Professor of Medieval and Renaissance English at Cambridge University and, by the way, a close friend of J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Lord of the Rings. Lewis used the concept to describe one of the most basic desires which drives us as human beings, the desire to belong. Many of us are not really satisfied with who we are and constantly compete with other people, trying to impress them and be part of an invisible ring of people. Most of us are unaware of this inner ring. But this need to gain respect is a never ending response to peer pressure. Once you are finally part of an inner ring another one will crop up.
If you depend on other people’s opinions when you take a decision it will sap your energy substantially if they don’t agree.
It will mean that when you take high-impact life decisions, you will consider what your inner ring will think about it and keep in your mind your natural desire to be part of that ring. It is what Tolstoy calls the ‘unwritten system’ in War and Peace. It is the dominant desire to be inside and part of the ring and the terror of being left outside.
‘The people in your inner ring’ are most probably not really interested in you, they may even see you as a competitor and will not help you honestly. The people I would like you to consult for feedback are seriously and honestly interested in your personal growth. That is quite a different thing. You may say: ‘Oh my God, no, I don’t want to, I’m embarrassed to ask people about myself.’ Feedback is really important, however, and is probably one of the most effective tools you can use. Feedback makes champions.
So now, having thought about your inner ring, it is time to do a cross-check and ask people for feedback about your strength and weaknesses.
